On love

It feels extremely selfish and unproductive and reeks of privilege to keep writing about mundane life when things are still happening, but I do have to write at least two posts a week (I mean, I don’t — I’m auditing the class so this is self-imposed but so far I’ve been determined to do work like I’m supposed to) and I don’t want another mouth-breather sniffing me out on LinkedIn for political ~discourse~ just yet, so, here we go!

Today I applied for an internship with Disney’s Fairy Tale Weddings (and others, too, but obvi this is the big shiny dream one). I love weddings, and Disney, and love, and people in love, and myself the most when I’m acting out of love. Especially now, I think it’s crucial love is continually reintroduced into the world — and if expensive, outdated, commercialized ceremonies are the surest way I can be directly a part of the process, count me in.

I watched “The Wedding Planner” (again) last night. Really phenomenal rom-com, horrible real-life implications — it scared me to death that the person I get engaged to and I will just fall apart after years of being each other’s one and only. That’s not the theme of the movie, but if it’s what I got from it, who’s to tell me I’m wrong?

Anyway, JLo and Matthew McConaughey basically fall in love at the beginning of the movie, except Matt’s getting married and JLo turns out to be the wedding planner (I said it, I said the title) his fiancée had hired. That’s horrible. That’s a bad thing. But a good, wonderful, magnificent thing is the passion with which we see JLo’s character go about planning and executing weddings. She does it with skill, with ease, with poise, and almost with a sort-of lovingness toward the event itself, not to mention her tenderness with anxious brides and drunk FOBs. She’s pouring love into her work, which is visibly glowing around every wedding scene — even the very first one in her childhood bedroom, where at around 8 years old she performs a ceremony for Barbie and Ken.

I’d like that, I think. I’d like to be able to help couples plan a day to celebrate their love, because that’s what weddings are to me. I don’t consider myself religious, so weddings are, aside from guarantees of tax and general spousal benefits, a celebration of honest, human love, period. And that’s a hard thing. A lot of people can’t do it, and it only gets harder the more times you try. Love as a partnership is a conscious, ongoing choice, from what I’ve gathered reading the blogs of normal people doing life together. It’s not a fairy tale all the way through — and I suppose treating it like one doesn’t help — but it is what you make of it, you, not the universe (it doesn’t care, it’s got better things to do), not your partner, you. You will keep loving as you choose to, not because of what someone else does or says.

I don’t even think I should keep talking about spousal love specifically anymore, either, because friendships and families are so full of love too!! And any kind of love is hard. For anyone, in any way.

But it’s beautiful, and worth it.

And, of course, healing, but not the end-all-be-all or something anyone should be dependent on, because we are our own whole people and nobody needs a “second half.” I’m spewing. I know. Nothing is getting fleshed out, and I’m sorry.

It’d just be nice to have more love in the world, wouldn’t it? It’s harder, but probably way more productive for literally everyone. If by planning and executing a wedding I might coax beautiful, eager love right out of the room and into the world for even just the next day, our little pocket of spacetime might slowly (achingly so) grow kinder. Happier, even. I think we need the help, and I think I’d be good at it.

I’ll post any updates on this particular internship as well as the five nonillion (I learned that measurement today actually, okay tangent — there’s a planet made almost entirely of crystallized diamond, which I’m sure you’ve heard of by now, but did you know it’d be worth 26.9 nonillion dollars?? That’s 29 zeros: $26,900,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. Outer space has the most impressive engagement ring.) others I’ve applied to.

Stay tuned, I know you’re invested.